What does love mean in the family. Should a family start with crazy love? What true mutual love hates

Hello everyone! Let's ponder these questions: What is love? What kind of love is there? Is there love in the family? There is love for the motherland, love for children. There is love for a man, love for a woman. And there is love for people, for all living things, for the world as a whole.

Someone will say that a family is two people who have legalized their relationship. Yes, this is called a social unit, or there is still such a word - marriage.

But I personally like the different definition of family. A family is a union of two self-sufficient adults who love and respect each other, with the obligatory presence of children. The union of two people and a small dog or cat replacing children with their presence is not a family. It's just a marriage.

Girls, I have known Natalia Pravdina for a very long time, as the most famous specialist in feng shui in Russia, the author of numerous bestsellers in positive psychology and just a kind Fairy.
I highly recommend that you pay attention to her exclusive author's webinar “ Love and romance».

Do you want love? Do you want to be happy? Want a family and yourself best husband? Come to the webinar and you will get it all!

There is no family without love. Someone might argue that many live out of habit, that there is no longer a smell of love there - and nothing, they live! I repeat once again - this is not a family, this is a marriage.

Family love is different too.

The roles of husband and wife are distributed differently:

• For example, daddy-daughter union , where the husband plays the role of dad, and the wife plays the role of a little daughter. Such a marriage lasts until the daughter "grows up." Or does not want to "grow". It is clear that after that there is no longer any talk about any family, the roles have been played, further development is not expected.

• There is also a third option. I like him most of all. This is a union in which man and woman are partners ... Namely: everyone in such a union has sufficient authority, the right to choose, the right to a certain freedom, the right to objectively express his opinion. It is in such a union that love lives and develops, passing from one stage to another. In such a union, children, seeing the relationship of their parents, grow up happy and confident in themselves, in their capabilities. In such a family, love and trusting relationships reign.

Let's take a look at the stages of love

Two people meet, a spark flashes between them. Or they say more - love at first sight. I don’t know if it’s love or not, but it’s more like “chemistry”. It's just the body's reaction to new experiences.

Then falling in love arises, lasting 2-3 months, which then turns into passion. This period has different people lasts in different ways, but ultimately develops into love. It is at this time that you need to create a family.

It often happens that having lived together for 5-7 years, having learned all the "delights of life", having given birth to one or two children, the spouses understand that they have nothing more to talk about with each other. The romance of the relationship is disappearing somewhere, the main date is forgotten - the day of acquaintance, or even the day of the wedding ...

Coming home from work, the husband usually sits down at the computer, the wife is busy preparing dinner, checking the lessons of the children. And that's it, the day has passed. We went to bed, woke up the next morning, each of them scattered about their own business, in the evening everything repeats again.

On a weekend, a man seeks to escape either to the garage or fishing. This is how it goes year after year. The family has no common interests. Someone is humbled, someone.

But you can live differently!

There are families in which every day brings something interesting. Where the father, along with the mother, is engaged in the upbringing and education of children. Families in which they exist, family holidays.

Where they wait for the weekend, as a holiday, because you can chat with each other to your heart's content, do something interesting and informative TOGETHER, go somewhere. Where being together is not burdensome, but brings joy. LOVE lives in such a family.

I offer my readers an exclusive psychological
quest Together is good! -
How to become a close-knit family from a picture out of your head.

After completing this quest, after many months or even years of frustration, you will become the family you dreamed of. A friendly and strong family-team, in which everyone is a mountain behind each other!

What to do to keep the love in the family for many years?

• First you need to understand that your husband (or wife) is not your property, he is an independent adult with his own habits and manners, with his own scale of values ​​and his own concepts of morality. If you do not like any of this at the initial stage, it is better not to start a family. The personality can no longer be altered, no matter how hard you try. You will only waste your nerves, strength and years.

• Thirdly, everyone in the family must develop, grow above themselves. If one develops and the other degrades, there is a colossal difference in views. Points of contact are lost, interest in each other disappears.

• The next point: take an interest in the affairs of your half, participate in her life. Ask how the day went, what interesting things happened, what are your plans for tomorrow.

If you are a mother staying at home with children, never remove your father from taking part in raising children. No matter how late the husband comes home from work, even if the children are already asleep, be sure to take the time to tell him how you spent your day, what the children told, what they played, where they went.

Draw during the day with the children, make crafts to show to dad in the evening. And in the morning, tell the children how dad was happy with such gifts. The kids will know that their dad loves them, that he does not forget about them, although they rarely see each other. And on the weekend, put off everything and spend these days together, no matter where, but most importantly - the whole family!

Family traditions are also important

Each family has its own. Someone on weekends goes to visit their grandparents, someone, on the contrary, invites guests to their place. Some go shopping (with the whole family), others visit the museum. There are also families who just spend the day at home in joint games and activities.

Whatever traditions take root in your family, these are traditions that children will try to transfer later to their families. Therefore, it is better to have some kind of tradition, even if it is stupid in someone's opinion, than none at all.

You know, there are wives whose husbands look at them with loving eyes, they only rush home from work, play with children on weekends while their mother drinks coffee in a cafe with her friends. What do these lucky women know and are able to do that others do not know and cannot do? What is their secret?

Learn about it in the audio course “ 7 top secrets of happy wives How to keep love in the family. "

I wish you, my dear readers, love in your families, long and happy. Let your children remember only the best and brightest. Love each other in your family and value your happiness!

And finally take a look video by Polina Gagarina "Love will find you!" , Cool music video:

Do not forget to participate in ! The winner will receive a cash prize. Share this article with your friends and subscribe to - there is still a lot of interesting things to come).

It is a myth. Many young people think that a family begins with crazy love, and they expect such a feeling. Passion in such a relationship boils over ...

When everything starts with passion, with ardor, it rarely comes to family and to love. The strongest of all is the family in which the relationship began not with insane passion, but with friendship, which later grew into love.

True love comes with time, when the wife develops humility before her husband, and the husband has respect for his wife. Then family relationships become quiet and calm. Why do we want it to be once and for all? For a person, stability and certainty are important. When stability is in family relationships, calm at heart and then quiet happiness and joy. And then, it seems that "Women's happiness - would be nice next, but nothing else is needed." This is what I want.

Psychologist Svetlana Shvetsova

For me, crazy passion is a sign of unhealthy relationships. Based on my experience, I think that it is worth entering into marriage, having not an insane passion, but a light love. I believe that the best feeling at the time of marriage is the state of calm, rational love. When you love a person, you are interested in him, and this is a prerequisite for marriage. You understand that you cannot live without this person. As it happened with me.

First, you look at a person, and a spark arises in you. You understand that you like him. You start to communicate more closely. When you communicate, you compare your platforms in life, find out what your views on different things in this life are: marriage, music, church, politics, books. You compare how similar your views are.

How can you check if there is love or not? A loved one for me is not an object of adoration and worship. This is a friend. The person you love and with whom you are going to live should be for you, first of all, best friend... Then you can solve all the problems together.

Musician Alexey Zharov

They say that it is the power of passion that should determine whether people marry each other or not.

Just "crazy" passion is not the best advisor in an act that will determine the whole future life and therefore requires serious thought. The passion will pass quickly enough, but what will remain after it? Surprise! “What a cunning he is, pretending to be a decent person, but in life he turned out to be…”. Few people remember that passion turned off their own minds.

Humanity knows other criteria for determining whether a person is right for you. Someone who is not stupid said that “when choosing a wife, you need to understand that you are not taking this particular woman, but her with all her family, with her past, with her attitudes, with those ideas (including spiritual ones) that her family considered the only possible ones. "

There was such an ancient wisdom: if you want to get to know your wife better, look at her mother. It really won't be superfluous to get to know your family, because your chosen one was brought up in this environment. On what principles he was brought up (and were these principles), is he ready to grow as a person, as a person - these are the questions, the answers to which should not overshadow passion.

Kirill Tantsirev , top manager

MARRIAGE DOESN'T BEGIN WITH INSANITY

It is unlikely that passion can be the key to a strong, stable family. The very definition of passion suggests that it is not normal. Its property is to pass quickly. She rises quickly like this big waves, in bursts, it passes just as quickly.

Passion is a disease, so it cannot be beneficial. Think about it - "crazy love". That is, love is crazy. We do not include reason. And marriage, paradoxically, is something of calculation.

In family psychology, there is such a thing as readiness for marriage. This is a whole complex of components, criteria that leads a person to the fact that he can create a family with this person. People sometimes get scared that getting ready for marriage is too difficult. But in fact, there should be a standard. There is no need to be intimidated here. We just need to know what to strive for. This is in a series of conscientious approaches to marriage. If this is not the case, the person begins to move by touch, stumbles, and makes many mistakes.

What are these ingredients? It is sympathy when you say "I like him (her)." Secondly, it is a community of interests, when we understand that we love the same music, we love to watch the same programs, read the same literature, go out into nature, and go kayaking. And the more of these components on the scales, the more attractive a person is to us.

Then there are deeper things that also need to be taken into account. It is necessary to look at the family, who the person's parents are. Most often, people project a parental scenario in the family. This is not to say that this is one hundred percent reproduction, but this is the template by which many act.

In addition, you need to look at family relationships, whether the family is complete, how a man communicates with his mother and father. If something does not work out in his relationship, see how he reacts to your comments, if he can be flexible and listen to your opinion.

You can also see if a person has many or few friends, find out if he thinks that we are self-sufficient and we are only good together. You can't concentrate on each other for a long time. It happens that he is jealous of his girlfriend of friends and tries to discourage everyone. Maybe he has communication problems. Then this is a serious reason to think. See if he is trying to isolate you, if he is jealous of friends.

Observe him and yourself as you communicate. How you behave when you are together, how quickly you are able to reconcile. This is a big rehearsal for your future serious relationship.

We must also pay attention to the state of health. A woman who was about 28-29 years old came to me. It was a discovery for her after a year of marriage that her husband was unwell. Time passed and she found out about him mental disorder... Says: "He was soft, compliant." I asked her to name the character traits that a man should have, she listed them in this order: he should be gentle, kind, compliant. Can a woman feel protected when she gets married, knowingly incorrectly ranking a number of the main qualities of her chosen one? Unlikely. Women who prioritize such important qualities as: responsibility, masculinity, hard work, etc. are more likely to be close to the owner of such characteristics. This means that the choice of a spouse was not deliberate, and did not have a serious approach, because due attention was not paid to such serious factors as: the presence of good health and significant human qualities.

Good to stick friendly relations at least in the interval of one year. This will be a change of events, seasons (autumn and spring are the most acute periods for nervous system). During this time, all character traits can manifest or worsen and mental disorders can emerge. The year is the defining term. During this period, you can collect information about each other. Find out if he wants children, how many he wants, who will wash the floors or dishes ...

It is necessary to talk about everything! You always have to talk about problems. Questions should be posed to yourself and to the person with whom you have entered into a relationship. We can say that this is the most important period in your relationship. Then only the consequence of your choice will appear. And it is here that it is important not to misfire, not to blunder. It is necessary to assess the ability of both of you to perform all the functions of husband and wife in the family.

The family has several functions: reproductive (reproduction of children), economic (budget allocation), economic (everyone fulfills a functional responsibility: someone pays money for an apartment, someone vacuums). That is, who takes what share of the family building. Construction is seemingly shallow aspects family life... In addition, the psychological function: they take care of each other, give warmth, understanding.

Another function is educational. As a rule, men believe that this is the lot of the wife, her front of work. But the participation of the father is also necessary. Mom is sometimes hot-tempered when doing the same homework. Father's involvement is lacking ...

Creative function. At the beginning of a relationship, while romanticism has not cooled down, they go to the movies, come up with activities. Then all this stops and becomes isolated at work and at home. Everything is boring, dull, monotonous. Leisure is also very important, to be able to spend time together. By the way, at the premarital stage of the relationship, you need to watch the behavior young man: how he behaves, whether he willingly pays for you. I heard a story from one girl that it was February, and a young man took her along the boulevard, back and forth. She hints at donuts to him, and he offers to go home.

You need to look closely at everything so that later it will be a surprise. The woman functionally strives to ensure that everyone in the family is shod and dressed. She will pull from a man - give it, give it. And if he starts to art, talk about female commercialism, if he is afraid of this, then you are not on the way.

Psychologist Irina Rakhimova

If we carefully turn to the Gospel reading, which is read during the wedding, we will find the answer in the story of the marriage in Cana of Galilee. Remember this image of drunk wine? Wine at a wedding feast is over - this is the truth, the deep truth of any marriage life, because as a rule, marriages begin with some kind of strong attraction, with people seducing each other. This seduction goes away. Sometimes for a year, sometimes for a month, sometimes for one wedding night.

A person suddenly discovers that next to him, although a spouse, is a very imperfect person. The wedding feast seems to be over. Everyday life begins, instead of the wine of the wedding feast - the wine of everyday life. It seems that this is a mistake, that the person was not the right person. There is no feeling that since God allowed this marriage, since He blessed this marriage, you need to create something with the person who is given to you, with all his imperfections. Indeed, it is difficult. Therefore, many families very quickly - in the first three years - break up.

But if even when, after a year or several years, the seduction passes, there is a feeling that before you is not only a spouse, but also a brother or sister in Christ, you begin to learn to forgive him, learn to endure him, and most importantly, you never forget about God, and God comes as He came to the marriage in Cana of Galilee. Remember, there He turned the water into wine, which seemed better than at the beginning of the wedding feast, to which the architriclene draws attention. Indeed, when in such a tempting family life, when people already really perceive each other without being deceived, Christ appears - and He cannot but appear, if this family leads a Church life, takes communion, prays, abides in God-thinking - a miracle happens. The water of everyday life becomes wine, but a better wine than that which was in the beginning, this is that true love, the love of Christ, purified from vain passions and naive seduction of each other, from which everything began. Therefore, marriages do not begin with love, they end with love, if they do not break down on this difficult path.

True Christian love is the crown of marriage, the result of marriage, not its foundation. It is no coincidence that the rite of a wedding resembles the rite of a monastic tonsure, marriage is in some way a departure from the world in the name of the creation of a small church by a concrete person - this is a rather abstract truth even for those who understand it, and for non-church people this does not exist at all. Why not try to create something with another person again? But nothing is created as a result.

Archpriest Georgy Mitrofanov

Learning How to Create a Happy Family: Online Course"Basic principles of building a family"

So, it is generally accepted in the world that a normal family is necessarily married parents with children. Families with one parent automatically fall into the category of “inferior”, “incomplete” or even “dysfunctional” families. I will immediately put forward the opposite opinion.

The boy was only 8 years old when his mother was paralyzed. She stopped walking, talking, eating and dressing on her own. Dad by that time had already settled safely somewhere, completely forgetting about both his ex-wife and his son.

Can his departure from the family be called a misfortune? Rather, it was a misfortune that his departure came too late ... Thus, from a "full-fledged" family with two parents, mother and son moved into the category of "single-parent families", "dysfunctional". However, they perceived it differently: only now happiness and joy, peace and love have settled in them!

But the hardships of a married life, such as beatings, sleepless nights, hard work for a penny that went to drink from an alcoholic husband, reminded me of myself. Horror dimmed the light. Mom got sick. They wanted to take the boy to an orphanage, separating him from his only loved one.

A neighbor intervened. She issued guardianship for the child. And the boy took all the worries about mommy on his shoulders. At the age of 9, the young man himself washes and feeds his mother from a spoon, takes her for a walk in his arms, puts her in a wheelchair, does a massage, talks and does not stop confessing his love to her and kissing her hands.

Family is a kingdom ruled by Love! Mom learned to stand, said the first phrase after a terrible day that divided life into "before" and "after." These were the words: "I ... you ... love ..."

One correspondent found out about them and prepared a report. Television contributed to the fact that the whole country learned about the boy - a real hero, a Man with a capital letter, a courageous and unbending personality with a huge loving heart, with great strength of mind. They paid attention to them today influential people, my mother is preparing for the operation, which, according to the doctors, will definitely help her, since progress is evident.

This is a real family, a right family, a real family. And no matter how many children there are in it, whether all parents are engaged in raising their offspring, whether there is wealth, whether everyone is healthy - this is just a family, and not the notorious "cell" listed on paper.

And the last myth about what kind of family should be considered young. Today, age criteria have been introduced for benefits in obtaining housing for “young families”. You can get on the line only until one of the spouses reaches 36 years old. I think this is wrong.

A young family is a family that was formed no earlier than 8 years ago, without taking into account the ages of the spouses. Why exactly 8 and not 5 or 6?

Psychologists and sociologists argue that married couples at the turn of 7 years most often break up. Therefore, during this period, they need special support from the outside, both material and psychological.

Everything I have said is IMHO. But it has the right to exist, read and discuss.

True love in a family is not only a feeling, it is the will of a person who decides to love, take responsibility, commitments, accept another person and share difficulties and worries together. Family relationships are multiple obligations, since they are built not with one person, but with many: children, parents, spouses ...

Respect is key

Feelings that push us to take such a responsible step as creating a family, over time, are transformed into others. In place of passion comes a deep understanding of each other, mutual respect and tenderness, which is so necessary for young parents.

So what is family love? It is commitment, the daily work of all family members, bringing joy and pleasure. It is common holiday - holiday unity, where there is no place for anger, resentment, deception and violence. Happiness when everyone feels their value and security. Love in the family is a shield, a fortress that no one can destroy.

It is a strong family built on respect and understanding that becomes a model of upbringing for the younger generation. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of peace and harmony tend to be talented and successful. They are endowed with the energy of creativity, warmth and kindness. Relationships with parents are trusting and tender. They will carry this experience further in their lives and pass it on to their descendants as a family heirloom.

Don't look for recipes

Many people often ask themselves the question, what is love in a family and how to preserve it and carry it throughout life? First of all, it is worth understanding that this is not at all the feeling of passion that is so brightly and obsessively broadcast from television screens. This is a combination of the best qualities and the most serious attitude to each other, to the needs and desires of the spouse, to his weaknesses and fears. Tenderness and reverent attitude are much more complex feelings than blind love that accompanies the first year of life together.

No matter how much a person reads the literature on the topic “everything about love in the family”, there has never been an exact recipe suitable for everyone. Each individual determines the degree of responsibility, the degree of affection and the level of trust.

If, nevertheless, a person managed to meet love in life, raise it and preserve it, then life has not been lived in vain. This means that the fortress, built by joint efforts, will withstand any assault, and a reliable shield of mutual understanding will protect against all adversity.

Everyone has the right to happiness and has everything necessary to create it. To preserve and preserve this value is the most difficult, but quite realizable task. The desire to love and be loved, to find happiness and give it to others inspires a person; the impossible becomes possible and easily achievable. Just a little bit of understanding and help, which will be gladly provided by the specialists of the M.S. Norbekova on the course "My Happy Family". By signing up for, you will receive answers to all your questions and find your way to family happiness.