What is the difference between the love of a man and the love of a woman? What stages should a relationship go through in order to achieve true love What does a stormy love relationship mean.

7 stages of a man and woman relationship

Relationships between a man and a woman always go through certain stages, starting with the brightest and most praised stage of falling in love, then going through painful crises, and, ultimately, coming to the long-awaited love.

However, not all couples come to true love, parting in the most difficult, crisis moments of the relationship, thinking that love has already ended. In fact, it never even started. After all, you still need to grow up to it!

People often face the same problems, asking very similar questions and describing nearly identical situations. In order not to answer in detail to each individually and not to repeat myself, I decided to answer with this article dedicated to the stages of the relationship between lovers.

The article is self-diagnostic.
After reading it, you will be able to determine at what stage your relationship is now., and what needs to be done in order to go through this stage correctly, preserving the relationship, and move to another, deeper and more perfect stage.

So, the stages of the relationship between a man and a woman are as follows.

1. Falling in love

This is the brightest stage. All love songs are dedicated to her, playwrights write about her and poets praise her in their poems. I think that this stage is familiar to absolutely all couples. It is also popularly called the “candy-bouquet period”.

Symptoms:

• Relationships are full of passion, tenderness and promise. It is at this moment that the loudest words of love are heard, because people see in each other only the best, purest and brightest.
• There is a lot of mystery, mystery, uncertainty in the relationship, which also fuels the partners' interest in each other.
• The man tries to conquer the woman, and the woman tries to attract the man even more.
• Most often, it is at this moment that one of the partners, or both, may have a persistent feeling that my soul mate has finally been found, and now we will be happy all our lives. This is a state of elation and weightlessness.
• From the point of view of physiology, during this period, the body secretes certain hormones that are responsible for the feeling of bliss and happiness. Therefore, here the expression "drunk with love" is very justifiable.

It is important to realize:

• Along with pleasant moments, relationships are also full of illusions. When a couple first meets, each partner tries to be a little better than he really is. He shows all his strengths, the best character traits, hiding some imperfections and flaws. Trying to be as attractive as possible. A woman looks beautiful, thereby attracting the attention of a man, while a man tries to prove his worth, self-confidence, caring for a woman in all possible ways.

Need to do:

• Do not lose your head, be alert and reasonable, despite your strong feelings and the feeling that this is the love of my life. In a word - to distinguish your feelings from the voice of reason.
• Before you let your partner get too close, you need to ask yourself a few questions. For a man for example, these could be the following questions:
  - am I ready to take responsibility for this woman,
  - are we suitable for each other,
  - what exactly attracted me besides appearance,
  - what do we have in common,
  - do I see in her the wife and mother of my children,
  - why do I need this relationship?
  A for woman the following:
  - is a man worthy in front of me,
  - will he be able to support our family,
  - do I see him as my husband,
  - will he be a good father,
  - is he ready to take responsibility,
  - how serious his intentions are,
  - why do I need this relationship?
  These questions will help you to sober your head a little and look at each other sensibly.

The duration of this period is different for all couples. It usually ends when partners begin to feel some weakening of passion.

2. Addiction

Stormy emotions are replaced by a calm realization that the lovers are now together.

Symptoms:

• During this period, feelings begin to fade away, there is no longer such a strong passion. In a word, partners get used to each other, and everything does not seem so fantastic as before. There may no longer be the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” and such a shine in the eyes at the sight of each other.
• Some of the partners may notice some weakening of interest and cooling.

It is important to realize:

• Most often, at the stage of falling in love, feelings and emotions are primarily involved. And feelings, as you know, weaken and dull over time.
• As an example, imagine that you are being treated to your favorite sweets. How many of these candies can you eat at a time? Well two, three, okay, ten! And you are still offered to eat. After a while you will say - "Well, no, thanks, I've had enough of your sweets."
  Or do you like skydiving. And if you jump every day? How many days will you last, how many days in a row will it bring you pleasure?
  It's the same with relationships. Sooner or later, but the partners are somewhat satiated with each other, no matter how good they are together.
• Those couples who are not bound by anything but feelings can already disperse at this stage. For example, a guy met a girl. But if he has no serious intentions towards her, then after a short time he will get to know someone else, because this girl will get bored. If a relationship is built only on a platform of feelings (that is, on getting pleasure from each other) and there is no rationality (that is, the intention to create a family with this person), then the couple disperses as soon as they are satiated with each other, and as soon as some minor everyday problems or the need to take responsibility.

Need to do:

• Calmly perceive all these symptoms, do not give in to panic and do not attack a partner with claims and resentments from the category - "Why is it not the same as it was before?"
• Do not focus only on your partner, take time for yourself too. Go about your business if your partner wants to be alone for a while. It is good if the couple consciously goes through these stages, and both know what is happening right now in the relationship, and that this is natural.

3. Finding flaws

This is a testing period. People begin to see in each other not only positive moments, but also negative ones. If at the stage of falling in love the partner seemed just an ideal, angelic embodiment, then all sorts of flaws that were previously carefully hidden are clearly beginning to creep out. This is often a surprise for the couple.

Symptoms:

• Doubts creep in about the correct choice of a partner.
• The suspicion that the partner has been fooling around all this time, hiding his flaws.
• It begins to seem as if the partner has been changed.

It is important to realize:

• Nobody is perfect and everyone has their flaws.

Need to do:

• Calmly note some negative, imperfect manifestations of the personality of another person. Best of all, if none of the partners keeps dissatisfaction in themselves, thereby they will not lead to resentment and conflict, but will immediately report their indignation to another.
  And it is very important to know exactly how to do it. It is correct to speak about your indignation in the “I-message” format, that is, to speak only about your feelings and experiences.
  Example.
  You don't like your partner not answering the phone. You calmly tell him when the moment is right. - “My dear, when I call you and you don’t answer, I start to worry if everything is all right with you. After all, I am really looking forward to you when you arrive, but you are still not there, and you don’t take your phone. And I start to worry, get nervous. " Thus, you do not blame the person, but talk about your feelings when he does this.
  If you understand that there is some character trait in your partner that is unlikely to change, then you need to start accepting it by changing your attitude towards it.

4. Quarrels

Shortcomings that we cannot accept in each other in any way lead to constant quarrels and conflicts. This is the most difficult stage in a relationship that not all couples can go through.

Symptoms:

• You begin to notice your partner's shortcomings and get offended, angry with him.
  Example.
  Suddenly a woman notices how a man is chomping at the table, and this begins to annoy her greatly: "My God, how does he chomp loudly, why did I not notice this before?" And he actually always chomped, but while there was love, the woman simply did not notice it.
  And the man begins to be annoyed that his woman, when walking around the apartment, loudly shuffles with her slippers: “How long can you shuffle! Earlier, somehow I did not notice such a thing behind her ... ".

It is important to realize:

• This is exactly the stage of the relationship that requires the couple to be able to negotiate and seek compromises. Often people cannot make concessions for the sake of another, and then some trifle can turn into a scandal or slowly erode the trunk of a relationship for many years. At this stage, couples are often stuck for a long time, maybe not even their whole lives. Quarrels, one way or another, lead to reconciliation and return the couple during the period of love. Then they again come to quarrels, reconcile again, then quarrel again, and so on. Thus, the couple jumps from stage 4 to stage 1, then goes through stages 2 and 3 again, reaching stage 4, and again to stage 1. So they live, they fight, they fall in love.
• It is very important not to offend! If the insult is still committed, then after some time the couple may notice that the feelings are gradually fading away, nothing else connects with this person. You even need to quarrel without losing respect for each other and avoiding insults.

Need to do:

• If it is important for a woman that a man does not chomp, then what should a man do?
  - Just don't slurp.
  If a man asks you not to shuffle your slippers loudly, then what should a woman do?
  - Do not shuffle.
  Everything is really simple, if not for our egoism. If a couple overcomes selfishness, then she has every chance of success. At this stage, there may already be a marriage.
• There is such a law in relationships - we ignore the bad, notice the good. That is, we ignore negative manifestations and pay attention to positive manifestations. Thus, emphasizing something good in each other, we grow this good even more, replacing the bad with it.

5. Respect

Symptoms:

• You have learned to respect your partner's interests.
• You've learned to compromise.
• You have learned to work on yourself, make concessions and change for the better.
  You think a lot about the good of your partner.

It is important to realize:

• A young couple should not get married before they are convinced that there is mutual respect between them. Respect means that we put our partner's interests on an equal footing with ours, and sometimes even above ours.
  The word "respect" is derived from the Slavic "respect" - attention. That is, when we are more attentive to a partner than to ourselves, it means that we respect him. From here begins the path to love, namely with respect, and not with falling in love. Falling in love is an illusion based on sexual energy.

Need to do:

• For respect to arise, you need to learn to listen to your partner. Do not shout, do not interrupt, but just listen calmly. If you learn to listen attentively, you gain deep respect.

6. Friendship

Here, relationships are built not only on a bodily basis, but also on a friendly basis. The couple has already gone so much together, each made so many sacrifices for the other that it is no longer so important who looks like.

Symptoms:

• It does not matter whether the wife has kept her beautiful waist or not, what is more important is what she did for her husband and what she continues to do.
• More important is how well the partner understands, respects, and helps.

It is important to realize:

• It is not that the wife ceased to attract her husband, and he found himself young and beautiful. No, he appreciates her not for her beauty, but for what she gave him, how much she did for him. Wife becomes best friend to her husband. However, if there was no respect, then there would be no friendship.

Need to do:

• The main work has already been done in the previous stages. The task of this stage is to realize the inner unity and the goals that bind the couple.

7. Love.

If there was friendship, then people move on to true love. You can compare this to making a soup. If you take it off the stove every time, without bringing it to readiness, and start cooking another, then you will never taste the soup. Likewise, relationships: you need to choose one partner and go with him to the end, and not divorce several times. When the relationship reaches this stage, the couple becomes as a whole, inseparable and very friendly.

It can seem very difficult to go through all these stages. But happiness is not easily achieved. Happiness isn't cheap. Passing through all these stages, sometimes experiencing pain and suffering, a person is purified and enriched. This is the only way we can come to true love.

You might think that this level of relationship is unattainable, but it is not. A person needs to work on himself, and not on another, and then love will become attainable for everyone.

I hope that the article was useful for you, and you were able to find your way:
- where is your relationship with your beloved now,
- what stage is passed,
- and which one still has to go,
- and what should you strive for on the path to love!

Does a man really love with his eyes, and a woman with his soul?

What are the differences between female love and male love?

How to distinguish love from falling in love?

What does the phenomenon of love mean for a man and for a woman?

What place in life does love take for representatives of different sexes?

The nature of mating strategy biological species people

At the heart of marriage strategy men and women have the most important and strongest instinct - the continuation of the human race.

The need to preserve the species drives people through emotions. At the same time, people often do not realize the true motivation for their actions.

The primal instinct that arouses in a woman the desire to decorate herself does not say why she should do it - she just likes it. Logic dictates that women do this to attract male attention. It is interesting that the fair sex began to decorate themselves even before they put on their clothes.

So that she can choose, she needs to conquer the maximum number of men. Moreover, for a wider choice, there should be as many of them as possible. Ideally, if she makes the whole male environment fall in love with herself. But it will belong to one - the best. It turns out that the meaning of the female primitive marriage strategy is to have the largest possible number of fans.

By the way, in nature there is no such shameful phenomenon as rape. A female of any kind can refuse without having any consequences for herself.

From the standpoint of survival for a man, the main thing is to multiply his genetic heritage. He should look for as many partners as possible. Biologically, he has no obstacles - he can make children all his life.

A woman must start a family in order to raise children. The survival of the offspring is ensured by a full-fledged family, where there is a mother and a father - a breadwinner and protector. Love is an instinctive attachment of nature that prompts a fickle man to take care of his offspring.

Nowadays, there is no urgent need for the reproduction and preservation of the human species. But there remains a "memory", thanks to which a woman must fulfill her function of procreation. Without this, she cannot feel completely happy. Men do not necessarily want to marry and raise offspring.

So, a woman has an instinctive attitude toward "family", and a man is looking for "his place in life." Love, as one of the strongest instinctive feelings, is important for a woman emotionally and for fulfilling her female destiny.

The power of female love

If a woman made her choice and found her Man, she will follow him into fire and water. She is ready to cheer him up when he needs support, will be on his side, even when she is not entirely sure of his rightness, she will listen, even when his words are not at all worthy of attention.

Without taking into account his actions and the opinions of friends, suggesting that he is a weakling and a loser, despite his statements to end the relationship right now, she will live for him. And he will not stop fighting for his heart. Contrary to his statement about the inconsistency of her desire to wear the title of His One.

Women's love will overcome any temporary barriers and obstacles in life.

But a woman should not think that in return the man will love her the same way.

Therefore, male love is different and does not resemble female love.

A man loves a woman in his own way. He will not call her in half an hour to tell her that at 5:30 he loves her more than at 5:00. He will not sit with a woman stroking her head when she is sick. It is absolutely unrealistic to count on such sacrificial love of a man.

However, male love is also love. Although it differs from the love given and desired by women.

What are the manifestations of male love?

Men love differently than women. Loving man will be ready to do three things that serve as a manifestation of his love: inform about his love, contain and protect.

A manifestation of true male love is his willingness to tell everyone: "This is my woman"... The woman will be given an official status with a rank higher than just the title of "my friend". This status indicates that he placed a woman in his heart.

This is an opportunity to inform the environment that he is proud of the right to be close to a woman, that he has serious plans for her. This is an application for a long-term cordial relationship. This is a conditional code that tells other men "no move."

If you have been dating for more than three months and do not even know his friends, but, introducing him, he introduces you, his girlfriend, then you have no place in his plans for the future.

A man's vocation to provide

For thousands of years, a man has been convinced of his primary purpose - to provide for his family. Under any circumstances, loved ones should not be needy. To become a breadwinner is the meaning of a man's vocation.

Sometimes he just had to meet a woman who would reveal his best qualities: a real woman knows how to convince a man to be a breadwinner.

The man is your protector

If a man loves, anyone who simply thinks of offending or offending his woman runs the risk of being destroyed. The man will sweep everything in his path to make sure that everyone who disrespectfully treats you paid for it. This is its nature.

Three key needs of a man

Family support

Men need to feel supported, like they are kings, even if they are not.

The man is constantly on alert, observing and evaluating other men nearby. At any time, he is ready to protect you and all his achievements. Therefore, it is important for him to relax at home. He needs to hear: “Darling, thank you. We love you and need you, we are happy that we have you. "

It is important for them to feel like kings, even when they are not behaving like royalty. Trust me, the more you let them feel special, the more they will be able to give to you.

Female loyalty

Devotion is the masculine understanding of feminine love. Devotion and love are synonyms for a man. The love that a woman demands is beautiful, but a man's love is different from a woman's. She is different. A man's love is an amazingly powerful thing. If the female devotion is true, the man will indeed finish off anyone for you without hesitation.

Sex is like air to him

There is nothing else in the world that men would also like constantly and strongly, without which they simply cannot live. A man has a physical need to be associated with the woman he loves. And he realizes this connection by making love to her.

Sensual emotions, hugs, emotional conversations - men do this because it is important for women. At the same time, you need to understand that sex connects a man with a woman. This is for him to connect, recharge and re-contact.

For most men, the need for sex is the same as for air. Even if a man loves you very much, but at the same time you dose sex, he will have to find it elsewhere. Men understand that different circumstances are possible. You can't just come up with excuses ad infinitum. No matter how much a man loves you, no matter how much he values ​​his status as head of the family and master of the house, as soon as you try to dose sex, problems will surely arise.

Support. Devotion. Sex. You must meet these key needs of a man. And in return you will get a man who can move mountains for you and do whatever you want.

Love and relationships are two different things. There are couples with fiery and bright love - and with difficult, sick, unsettled relationships. There are couples with perfectly built and mutually arranging relationships, where love, in principle, is not. Satisfaction, convenience, pleasantness - there is, it is difficult to talk about love.

Love is one thing, a well-established relationship is another. There can be wonderful, well-established relationships, but no love. There may be passionate love, but no (not built, worthless, not established, or even difficult) relationship.

People rarely distinguish: they have love or an established relationship, hence a lot of misunderstandings. For example, he and she love each other, but she does not know how to behave and constantly meddles in his affairs. He endures for some time, then begins to make claims. It may seem to them that this is somehow connected with the cooling of their love: no, this is not a question about love, but about an established relationship.

Or: he is satisfied with the well-established relationship with her, but she is not satisfied that there is no love ... She demands love (see Love Languages), but he does not understand: "We are all right? What else do you want?" She upsets the relationship, after which he begins to think "Do I need it?"

People love to dream of love, but, as a rule, it is premature for them to think about love seriously. First of all, you need to think about relationships, if only because people usually do not know how to manage love, and building relationships is often within their power.

I’ll give a metaphor: it’s very cool when the house is clean, beautiful, there are little frills on the windows, pictures are hung, the music sounds - very cool. Only if suddenly the house is not yet completed, the floors are collapsing, there is no sewage system and the roof is leaking ... time to do some fancy stuff, music and flowers? Probably not. First, you need to strengthen the foundation. In many couples, the relationship is similar to such a house: either unfinished, or destroyed. It happens when people do not follow themselves for years, the relationship has already ruined, then after that say "add love" - ​​what kind of love ?! You overhaul do, before talking about love!

Most couples need to start by strengthening the foundation, and then curtains and tablecloths.
First, establish relationships, and create love - all the same later.

Difficult relationships put love at risk. If he and she love each other, but communicate and behave in conflict, do not know how to negotiate, they create a difficult relationship and threaten love. On the other hand, a well-established relationship is conducive to the birth of love. If he and she create a relationship that suits them in all respects (easy, comfortable, promising), then on this basis friendship easily flourishes. If there is a lively sexual attraction to this, then love easily flares up. A good relationship, caring for each other is the basis of love.

But only - the basis. Whether love will arise on this basis is another question. Indeed, there are relationships that are well-oiled, everything is fine, everything is fine, but beauty is absent, but joy is not. Do not be sad, there is a little more to finish. If your relationship is strong and kind, you have created a foundation upon which to build a home of love. Love will be, love will surely come if your soul is healthy, and good relationship you create with joy and desire, you have learned to create with joy and desire. Take care of him, and from this - you have joy in your soul. Indeed, are you not happy when you can surprise, help, warm your loved one?

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why normal men few? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that would not have been better. Pay for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.

Photo: Wavebreak Media Ltd / Rusmediabank.ru

Why do people often mistake a simple carnal desire or a desire to avoid loneliness for love? I think it’s because they don’t know how to read the signals of true love. And yet they are not able to send these signals themselves. Imagine, this can and should be learned.

Someone may say that all this is nonsense, and if there is no love, then no signals will show it. That's it. But we will not touch on this difficult case. Because the manifestation of artificial care and feigned sympathy, the planned play of feelings and sex according to Kamastura have nothing to do with actual signals of love.

Each of us knows how to read signals of true love accurately, because they do not come from reason, not from a desire to win sympathy or express oneself, but from a disinterested desire to protect, to make his life more beautiful, better and more pleasant. We have already experienced such selfless giving. This is the love of a mother for a child who loves this creature not because it behaves approximately and does not pee in its pants. But because it simply exists in this world. To receive such love is the dream of every person. More often than not, this is what we strive for. RECEIVE... And we don’t think about the fact that important condition true love is also our ability to experience this feeling in relation to someone. Feeling without conditions and without parameters of obligation.

In order to be capable of selfless love, it is not enough to desire to get a profitable and successful partner. One must become a person of a certain level of development. The most important property of this personality is the ability GIVE AWAY... In order to give something, you need to have it, develop it in yourself, grow, comprehend, realize. But this is already art. And some people don't get it right away. Sometimes through a lot of trial and error and a thousand frustrations. There are, however, exceptions: someone is lucky and he shows the ability to disinterested true love immediately.

It is not so difficult to understand whether this is typical for you. The most important thing in signals of true love is direction. It is always directed not at itself, but at the object and in the name of the object. She is spontaneous and selfless because she comes from the heart.

Once upon a time grandfather Sigmund Freud with his doctrine of the unconscious and any human behavior, he hopelessly simplified the concept of love. However, his teaching turned out to be so tenacious that we still test it in the practice of our relationships and adopt it in the manifestation of feelings. The collision of the "pleasure principle" and the "reality principle", the unconscious and the conscious, "want" and "not" leads, according to Freud, to neuroses and problems of relationships. The psychologist attributed love attachment to sexual desire, libido, which has one goal - sexual intimacy and sexual satisfaction. “Love is basically still as animalistic as it has been from time immemorial,” Freud wrote.

However, such a narrowness of ideas inevitably leads to another problem - neurosis from a lack of spiritual closeness, community and unity.

It turned out that a person feels more unhappy not because of the lack of sex, but because of the dissatisfaction of the need for need, significance and intimacy. Each of us as a social being cannot live without closeness with other people, without attention to oneself. Anyone, even negative. When others are indifferent to us, we suffer. And we are trying in every possible way to compensate for the lack of attention. Each in its own way. Someone with the help of sexual victories, someone in search of material bonuses. We also bring a note of materiality into close relationships, choosing a partner not to our liking, but according to their compliance with certain parameters: we want him to be provided for, had an education, a certain height, appearance, income, etc.

The insidious question of love

We ask ourselves the question: "What do I like about him?" And we find quite definite material answers: "He is smart, kind, clean, honest, intelligent, educated, etc." And we ourselves do not suspect that at this moment we are signing our verdict. Because in the case of a mismatch with the listed set of qualities, we will inevitably be disappointed. This entire price list is an indicator of our claims and evidence of our commercialism, that is, the focus of our love exclusively on ourselves. It is to us that all these qualities are important, and we are glad that we finally found them in someone in order to satisfy our ambitions and needs for the presence of just such a person nearby. He satisfies our vanity, our material need for security, status, being around, etc.

Having got it, we do our best to keep him near us. And we start a beautiful game "what a wonderful couple" or "how we love each other." And we diligently perform the roles, proving to each other and those around us that we are loved and loved. Such "love" tends to demand, wait, put forward ultimatums, demonstratively show feelings and wait for a return landing. For this you just need role signals... Which?

Everyone has their own love signals:

flowers;
candy;
the words;
poems;
present;
notes;
coffee in bed;
money;
scratching the heels in the morning;
oral sex in the evenings, etc. etc.

There are countless variations. And we all know about them. We have seen it many times in the movies, read about it in books. We store in the brain thousands of models tested by someone. And come up with our own proofs of love.

And that's fine, even if borrowed from fiction... It is great if it is a signal of true love. Imagine the signals are the same!

Only the message is radically opposite. You break your head, where is the real, and where is the artificial. How can you tell them apart? Try it.

When it comes to role playing love, we do our best to:

Prove your feeling.
Keep your partner in a tone of interest.
Don't disappoint.
Provoke a kickback.
Make you feel guilty, fear of loss.
Surprise and amaze.
Show your dependence on him "I will die without you!", Thereby tying him.
To fill his whole life with himself (always there, control and total participation).
Change, make it better, re-educate.
Sacrificing yourself for him (a sophisticated form of emotional bondage).
Raise the bar to make it better, to grow.
Be half of a whole, proving the impossibility of being apart.

The signal of true love will be:

Showing attention to your partner.
Sensitivity to his condition and a desire to help.
Striving to show him how important he is to us.
Recognition of its value.
Taking care of him, not of yourself.
The desire to cheer, comfort, make you believe in yourself, support.
Tolerance, acceptance for who he is, help in the manifestation of the best qualities.
Contentment, modesty and unpretentiousness (lack of requirements and conditions).
Awareness of oneself as a whole, regardless of the partner. Self-reliance, self-sufficiency, independence, self-confidence.

The main question that we must ask ourselves in order to find true love and learn to recognize its real signals is to sound not this way: "Where can I find a partner who will love me truly, without conditions?" or "How to GET love?" A like this: "How capable am I of true love?" or "Will I be able to GIVE?" The question of what the partner should be is relegated to second place. Sometimes a person all his life has illusions about himself and his love, thinking that love is a series of demands, dissolution in another and self-sacrifice.

Any sacrifice is a territory of addiction. “Anyone who feels dependent, sooner or later begins to hate a partner, because he can neither live according to his own convictions, nor treat his partner openly and sincerely,” wrote the Swiss psychologist Mark Luscher. - The one who has not become self-reliant and independent internally remains not free. He lives in an inner prison that kills all love. "

True love is far from demanding. It is a mature need to GIVE just like that, asking nothing in return. This is the “joy of generosity,” as OSHO said.