How to learn to answer difficult questions quickly. How to quickly answer difficult questions

Some questions are unexpected, like a blow in the stomach. And instead of answering at this moment, we are only able to swallow air and draw a long "eeeeee". For politicians and entrepreneurs, such pauses can become critical: the opponent thinks that you do not own the topic or that you have nothing to say, and loses the most valuable thing in communication - trust. What tricks are there to answer while cutting off subsequent inquiries?

In most cases, we know in advance those issues that can unsettle us. “I knew that they would ask me about it, - says the majority of people after the meeting, - and they asked, you scoundrels!”

This begs the question: what if you knew, why didn't you prepare? It is imperative to come up with short, verified templates for answering uncomfortable questions. And when asked, you calmly give a short but succinct answer. For example, the question is often asked: “Why is it so expensive? Competitors are cheaper. " It is better to answer it: "Let's look from the other side" - and make a breakdown of the quality of materials and qualifications of employees. There are also such questions: “Where is the guarantee that you will do the right thing?”, “And we heard that you did not cope with such and such a task. How do you explain this? " To this you can ask a rhetorical question to the audience: “Where is the guarantee? Does someone in our industry give you 100% guarantees? "(This answer is especially good in the IT sphere), or:" Do I understand correctly that you want us to give guarantees where they cannot no company in the world? "

In no case can you make excuses. This is always a weak position. When a person makes excuses, instead of setting out his version of events, we decide a priori that he is wrong. If, for example, they say to you: “You did not cope, the project failed,” you do not need to make excuses. I must say: “Any project is the interaction of the customer and the contractor. In some projects - fortunately, not in all - the responsible persons are rapidly changing, for whose tasks the entire project is made. The person leaves the company, and it turns out that the owner wanted something completely different. The contractors are to blame for everything. Therefore, we initially prefer to work with a decision-maker in order to understand the tasks firsthand. " Or: “I agree, with that project it happened exactly as you described, but ... tenders lead to this, at which we are pushed at the price to the limit. As a result, we are unable to involve our the best specialists, and then you have to admit mistakes. At the moment we are abandoning such conditions on the shore, but then we were still studying. " This position commands respect.

For other cases, you can use the following techniques.

Use the "yes, but ..." formula. The word "no" is conflicting. It is better to avoid it, it kindles conflicts even where the partner is just trying to clarify, but when the interlocutor hears "no", he no longer listens to what you are saying and comes up with a refutation. Therefore, it is important to agree with your opponent on where your views coincide, and move on to where opinions differ. For example: “I agree, it’s ugly, but in that situation it was the only way out” or: “Yes, of course, intervention is needed here, but it’s still better to consider other options.” The words "yes", "agree" have a shock-absorbing effect. It's harder to argue with you. After you have agreed with the interlocutor in small, he is ready to make big concessions. In social psychology, this effect is called "feet in the door": if a person agrees with you in small things, it is more likely that they are likely to agree with you in large ones.

Ask a question. The question can be clarifying, rhetorical or returning to the opponent. Clarifying allows you to buy time. If, for example, you were asked how many pieces of equipment came to work, you have the right not to remember the exact answer in a matter of seconds. By asking a clarifying question, for example: "Which ones are you interested in?", You buy time and come up with what to say.

A rhetorical question does not require an answer and is directed to the audience: "And since when did it become necessary? .." or: "Everyone thinks that this obvious question requires an answer?" At this moment, joining the audience takes place. And your collective opinion is harder to argue with.

You can answer the question with a question: “What do you think?”, “What versions do you have?”, “What opinion does your target group express?”, “Who told you that?” - questions like this divert attention away from you, and you can calmly ponder the answer.

Many of these questions are annoying simply because they are asked often and not always by those who need to know the answers. But this is precisely why treating them too painfully would be the wrong reaction.

Relatives are overly interested in our personal life, colleagues - in finances and career success, everyone around us - in how we look and how we behave. Sometimes it’s a formal way to keep the conversation going, sometimes it’s the personal problem of the person asking, and sometimes it’s actually a concern for us.

Does moral pressure prevent you from living? We develop our personality, watch the video!

The ability to correctly respond to violation of personal space is a good practice for those who tend to succumb to pressure. No matter what question you are asked, our methods will help you politely answer any of them.

1. Philosophical answer

Who said that if a question is asked to you, then it is necessary to talk about you? You can just speculate on a given topic. If you are not yet married, refer to the fact that family values ​​are changing a lot in our time, men have become different, and housing problem and even more so spoiled everyone. In most cases, they will agree with you and it will be possible to complain together about the strangeness of life.

2. Secular gossip

Also, in essence, a change in the object of discussion. Tell us that the issue of your salary is being actively discussed right now, because according to rumors in competing firms, specialists in your profile have begun to earn more (less, perform new duties, quit more often, etc.) For example, you can recall the stories of all your former colleagues and unfamiliar, even if they are no longer relevant.

3. Wisdom of the ages

After all, you don't have to be an example to everyone, you are living your first life. But the classics have already spoken out about this for a long time - do not let wise quotes go to waste. Someone said that “every breakup is a step towards new meeting”, Most likely he meant your break with your ex. Use aphorisms from social networks or make up your own. At the same time, you will give the impression of an intellectual.

4. Lying to the rescue

It might even be funny. Pass off costume jewelry as a jewel, a friend as a lover, a meeting in a cafe as an important business meeting. Who knows, maybe your fantasy will come true, or maybe you will simply never return to this conversation.

5. Comedy genre

Why create tension where there is already enough tension? Humor is relaxing. The joke pattern is pretty simple: portray the situation as absurd. When asked, answer that today they just started the alarm clock early in order to be in time at the registry office, but here's the annoyance - overslept. But tomorrow is a must!

6. Forwarding

You have no idea how much your dress is worth - it was given to you. Why don't they get promoted, ask my boss. When you have children, only God knows. In general, Google will help you, but there is no demand from you.

A win-win, as people are always pleased to be a specialist. In response to awkward question ask yourself: what to do to get married; how to persuade a husband to have a second child; where to find Good work? And in general, how to live?

8. Details

If we are to introduce it into the course of the matter, then on the conscience. Describe all the details of your interview trips, adolescent love stories, and weight loss attempts. One such conversation will be enough to discourage you from spontaneously addressing you for a long time.

9. Downgrading

Because the goal of your interlocutor is to raise it. You have nothing to answer because you are not asking such questions. You absolutely do not care who and when marries you - you have other problems. You now have no time for a career, and neither is happiness. Just shrug your shoulders.

10. True

That which is always totally disarming. An inconvenient question hits a sore spot, and only in this case it works. If you are really uncomfortable discussing a particular topic, then there is a problem that is important to solve. But for yourself, and not in order to avoid unnecessary conversations.

Photo: Andrey Kiselev / Rusmediabank.ru

Who of us has not had to deal with people who unceremoniously ask about what we do not want to talk about at all? For example, why don't we get married, are we going to get divorced, why don't we have a child, how much we earn, etc. Of course, you can answer: "It's none of your business!" But it is possible and much more subtle to put a person in his place and make him understand which areas should not be invaded.

Don't make excuses!

Often we do not want to "send" a person with his stupid questions, as we are panicky afraid to seem impolite and ruin our relationship with him. It is especially difficult for us to "shave off" those who are older than us, are our boss or a person on whom we are to some extent dependent - a relative, neighbor or colleague. By the way, for some reason people often consider it the norm to ask those who are younger or lower in rank.

The fear of offending the interlocutor leads to the fact that we begin to justify in all details for the fact that in our life everything is the same, and not otherwise: “Yes, at my age you can't find a good man, where can I!”, “Our incomes do not allow child, and there are problems in the female part "," I would have divorced a long time ago, but nowhere to live ", Good times it turned out up to forty thousand, but now there is a crisis ... "

After such a conversation, we feel, to put it mildly, uncomfortable - after all, literally all the ins and outs have been pulled out of us. Therefore, it is better to learn not to answer such questions at all. Here are a few guidelines that will probably come in handy for you.

Don't answer specifically or get off with general phrases

To the question about marriage, answer - "Because they don't take it", to the question about divorce or a child - "I haven't thought about it yet", to the question about earnings - "I earn average, like everyone else." If the interlocutor is not a fool, then he will definitely understand that you simply do not want to talk about this topic.

"" The interlocutor

Ask him again. When asked when you will finally get married, retort: ​​"Are you not going to get divorced?" "When are you planning your second child?" - "And you - when the third?" etc.

If you want to point out to a person his shamelessness, then it is better to answer: "Are you very interested in my personal (or family) life?" or: "Why do you need my problems?" Perhaps the interlocutor will be offended by you, but, most likely, he realizes that in vain he is “torturing” you for such reasons.

Answer with a joke

Let's say you are asked when you will get married. The answer may be as follows: "If I find a millionaire, I will immediately leave." "Probably your bag is very expensive?" - "Yes, to buy it, I had to sit on bread and water for a month." Frivolous answers annoy many and categorically discourage the desire to continue the conversation on this topic.

Play a "show"

When you hear an unpleasant question for you that you do not want to answer, depict "drama." Look deeply into the eyes of the interlocutor, take a deep breath, press your hands in your chest and say in a tragic voice: "Please, never ask me about this!" You can also answer: "This is secret information!" It is impossible to offend anyone with such a "show of one actor", but a person will certainly not continue the theme.

Talk nonsense

Suppose you are bored with questions about. State that people should match each other according to the horoscope. Sprinkle with astrological terms like “ Natal chart"," Ascendant "or" square ". You can talk about some kind of psychological or biological theory ... The main thing is that your counterpart is not very versed in this and quickly lost the thread of the narrative. In the end, he will simply get tired of the abundance of information that has poured out on him and will hasten to take his leave or, in extreme cases, try to turn the conversation to another topic.

Universal answers that almost always work

Almost any tactless question can be answered with the phrase: "I admire your ability to ask questions that are perplexing!" or: “Do you know what always amazed me about you? It's your skill to ask the wrong questions! "

More options: “I will be happy to answer your question, but I don’t understand why you are so interested in this?”, “And for what purposes are you interested in this?”

You can also ask, "Do you really want to talk about this?" If the answer is yes, say with a smile: "But I - no!" My friend, by the way, answered all personal questions addressed to her: "What are you curious!"

If you are interested in continuing the relationship, choose more correct and polite answers. But emphasize that you don't allow yours to be invaded. If the relationship between you is informal, and you can afford to be frank, choose the harsher options.

If you absolutely do not want to maintain a relationship with a person who behaves so tactlessly anymore, you can declare in response to an "uncomfortable" question: "This is my dog ​​business." Everything will immediately fall into place, and you will get rid of the one with whom you do not want to deal.

In the line of fire. The art of answering provocative questions

In this book, you will learn how to get out of the water in any situation of difficult communication - both in public and in dialogue. You will receive a ready-made scheme for responding to any verbal attack on you. A dissatisfied customer? An angry boss? Or just an upstart in the audience? Whatever happens - you will know what to do!
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Sergey Kuzin is an international expert in business communications, candidate of psychological sciences, business coach. Since 2003, he has conducted hundreds of trainings in the CIS countries, Europe and the USA. In 2006, he wrote a dissertation on the first ever Nixon-Kennedy debate (University of Iowa), in 2011 - the book "The Media Man", in 2012 - the bestseller "101 Tips on How to Answer Provocative Questions." Member of the International Speakers Association (NSA), recognized as the best English-speaking speaker in Russia (Best Speaker Award). Serves as a guest expert on radio and TV. Among his clients are deputies of the State Duma, mayors of cities, top officials and company management.

WHAT IS THIS BOOK ABOUT:
Each of us has to deal with uncomfortable questions. As an orator, you can come under fire from an aggressive audience, and as an interlocutor, you can get a tricky question from any interviewer, be it a distrustful employer, a disgruntled client, or an annoying journalist.

Here is the FIRST INTERACTIVE TRAINING BOOK on how to answer provocative questions, work with any, even the most difficult audience and emerge victorious from any negotiations. The guide is accompanied by detailed analysis case studies, interviews with authoritative experts and many fascinating stories illustrating in practice how to work with difficult questions and complex audience.

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FOR WHOM:
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It happens to everyone. This has happened to you. Even now you can easily recall several cases when you were asked an uncomfortable question - and you answered it, and then regretted for a long time that you did not answer otherwise. The question is: how to make sure that this situation does not recur?

An uncomfortable question An uncomfortable question is different. There are different reasons why these questions are uncomfortable, and different reasons why people ask you these questions at all.

One thing unites them: in order to correctly and calmly answer these questions, a developed skill of improvisation is required. And you can develop it ... by answering them. Heck. Problem.

Okay, don't be in a hurry to get upset.

There is a serious base of techniques that allow you to gain time to think about the answer and simplify the question itself. Moreover, there are even ways to embarrass the questioner - if, of course, you are sure that he asked his question with malicious intent.

Let's go in order.

The main rule of answering difficult questions

No matter how uncomfortable the question is and no matter how badly you answer it, then, after a couple of hours of shame and several sleepless nights, the ideal formulation of the answer will still crystallize in your head.

Moreover, if you had to answer the same question ten seconds later, the answer would still be much better than what it was.

Whatever the additional aggravating circumstances of an awkward question, the main problematic factor remains the lack of time.

Thus, the main rule of answering uncomfortable questions is that you need to buy time to think.

"Stop, moment, you are terrible"

For two: "Alexander Matrosov"

There is simply no money now. If we find money, we will do indexation. You hold on here, all the best to you, Have a good mood and health. Dmitry Medvedev, Prime Minister of Russia

For many of us, in the event of stress associated with an unpleasant question, there is a desire to "rush into the embrasure." We don't even have time to think it over - we just blurt out something, because we feel that the question is uncomfortable, and we feel that everyone feels that the question is uncomfortable for us, and we are afraid to seem indecisive and insincere in answering.

This is bad.

Three with a plus: "Burenka answers"

Another natural reaction of a person who was asked a difficult question, this time, however, really reasonable and in essence correct. However, it sounds so-so - as if a cow really begins to answer the question.

The cows give milk - and let them give it. Don't let the cow answer difficult questions for you.

What is happening is exactly what the person is afraid of, who "rushes into the embrasure." The responder really looks indecisive or insincere. Especially if the moo lasts a long time.

However, it should be remembered: if Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev, instead of “there is no money, but you are holding on”, would mumble like this for about five seconds, and then gave a more thoughtful answer, then everyone would not laugh at him. social networks... That is, even a long hum is better than a quick blunder.

On a solid four: a second of silence

You play a pause of the same length as in the previous variation. The only difference is that you do not make any sounds while doing this.

If the pause is not very long, no attention will be paid to it at all. If middle length- this will give your image a certain touch of thoughtfulness or mystery.

The main thing is not to be ashamed of a short pause. The embarrassment is felt.

Alternative to a solid four: repetition is the mother of deferral

- How did the Russian national team intend to defeat Wales at all?

- How were we going to defeat Wales? Well, you see ...
hypothetical dialogue

In this way, you will play even more time than the previous two can give you, without arousing any suspicion.

In addition, this method is strongly recommended for use during crowded public events - for example, press conferences. The fact is that not everyone could hear the question asked to you. This will give them an extra chance. If they noticed this, they would be grateful to you - but they will not notice, since the use of this method is practically not perceived by people as some kind of separate action.

Restrictions on use? Don't use it too often, regularly, or in a row. Otherwise, a person who diligently observes your speeches may pay attention to him and come to strange conclusions.

And what to do with it?

It - simple options buy time when answering a difficult question. You can start working on the use of the winning third and fourth right now. The first time you will resort to them consciously, and then it will become a habit. As a result, your "pain threshold", beyond which the question begins to be perceived as uncomfortable, will seriously increase.

But let's not dwell on this.

Delay and clarify

Why did we call the first group of techniques “simple”? The point is not at all the complexity of the application of these techniques. Just asking you a question often becomes unpleasant due to three factors: lack of time to think, confused wording, or touching on information that you would not like to give out.

Do not hesitate to clarify the wording if the interlocutor asked you something completely indigestible.

"Simple" techniques are aimed at combating one factor. "Difficult" - with several.

Now we move on to the "complex" ones. Or rather, to that group of them that gives you time and clarifies the essence of the issue.

Do not offend tongue-tied

A person may ask you a confused and very uncomfortable question - and then also be offended by you because you understood him differently and did not give exactly the answer he expected.

Do not lead to this. Moreover, it will be easier for you to answer the clarified question yourself.

The first option is holy simplicity

Everything is simple and obvious. You just ask the question again. If you do not do this too often, and your interlocutor does not have a nervous breakdown, this request will be taken at least normally.

Moreover, if the question turns out to be awkward, the person asking it himself is not averse to reformulating it. Unless, of course, he is trying to take you away on purpose. More often than not, he doesn't try. And even if he tries, you win from repeating the wording in any case, and then you get the opportunity to switch to offensive tactics.

Some communication professionals emphasize that asking to repeat a question is only appropriate in a formal setting. Well, perhaps - if you literally and directly ask the interlocutor to repeat.

However, in an informal setting, you can always pretend that you misheard.

Incidentally, this is a common bad habit- to respond to the questions asked, as if he did not hear them, using the resulting time to think about the answer. When this tactic really becomes a habit, it can become a problem. In particular, people with whom such a "hard of hearing" thinker communicates often can form a rather bad opinion of him. So you should know the measure and apply it consciously.

The second option is a wedge by a wedge

- What do you think as a coach about the untapped opportunities for the Russian football team in the game against Wales? Who is to blame for this?

- What kind of opportunities are you asking about? About dangerous moments that did not lead to goals, or about failed counterattacks?
hypothetical dialogue

It often happens that the question is too broad. At such moments, it is not at all shameful to answer him with a question that will narrow him down.

The advantages of the method?

The first, as before, is the gained time that you will spend on getting your pulse in order and thinking about your words. Second - you really get rid of the need to independently think out and decipher the question asked to you.

The third option is to clarify the wording

This method is especially interesting because it can be used for both defense and attack.

There is a classic example about hunting:

(reproachfully) - Why do you consider hunting a courageous occupation?

(wearily and with a slight tinge of disdain) - Well, first of all, what do you think is courageous at all?

You may need to use clarification of the wording just to make the question clearer.

But sometimes the questions are asked in the first place to embarrass you. And when you pay the questioner with the same coin, forcing him to plunge himself into what he was going to plunge you into - he is stewed and looks stupid.

The fourth option is to reformulate the question yourself

"That is, you are interested in what ..." and similar start of the answer. This option has an obvious plus: you clearly take the further development of the conversation into your own hands, you are free to shift the interpretation of the question so that it is not so inconvenient.

There is no need to stop the bullets of incorrect questions in flight if you can just dodge them.

However, there is also a minus. In fact, you may not answer exactly the same (or not at all the same) question that the interlocutor asked you. Of course, you should not stop at this if the interlocutor was trying to ensure that you are publicly embarrassed. But if there were no evil intentions, and the question was simply difficult to formulate, you can upset the person.

Dodge the bullet

Now let's add up the other two factors of the complexity of the question: you, as usual, do not have enough time to think about the answer, but it is already clear that you would not like to give this answer. Given that the wording of the question is clear in principle. What to do in this case?

Consider a portion of the techniques that allow you to tactfully and beautifully evade the question. The expectation is that the questioner does not even understand that you have not answered him. At least I didn't understand it right away.

Weak link in the chain of questions (funnel method)

Unfortunately, it is not possible to use this method in any case. If you are only asked one question, it will not work.

Here's the catch, though: People often ask questions in batches. This is less common in informal dialogue - although it also occurs. But in a more formal setting, it's easy.

- How is the Desert Storm project progressing? Are there any problems and how close is it to completion?

- Oh, the work is going great. As for the problems, then ... (then for ten minutes you expand on the topic of problems and the methods by which you solve them, without at all returning to the question "how close is it to completion?" - because you know that oh, how close)
hypothetical dialogue

You answer those questions or parts of the questions that you feel comfortable answering. And really uncomfortable - you leave it as if overboard.

Of course - an attentive and meticulous interlocutor can remind you that you did not fully answer the question. Sadness. Well, you at least had time to think about the answer to the most unpleasant part of the question.

However, in most cases, your interlocutor may simply not have the opportunity to supplement the question - for example, if the case is at a press conference. And besides, a relatively small percentage of interlocutors can be called "attentive and meticulous". Even if they have already learned how to ask uncomfortable questions.

Focus Shift (Bridge Method)

- When, finally, will there be an indexation of pensions? Prices are growing very quickly now!

- You are absolutely right, the situation is very difficult. Our geopolitical enemies have done everything possible to increase our prices. For example ... (half an hour monologue about intrigue searches)
hypothetical dialogue

Reception similar to the previous one. But in order for you to use it, your interlocutor does not even need to ask you a few questions from which you could choose.

"But why are you asking?"

Interesting: when asking a difficult question, many people do not even want to get a clear answer to it. They are much more interested in the very discussion of this topic.

Therefore, all sorts of variations in the spirit of "why do you ask" and "why do you think so" that allow them to develop a discussion, they are much more satisfied.

And again - if the questioner does not really seek to discuss this topic, but intends to simply fill you up with a difficult question, such a move will put him in a position no less vulnerable than the one in which he expected to put you.

And this will happen at the moment when he has already considered the most difficult part of the job done and set out to stock up on popcorn and watch your shame.

Where to begin?

Add this list to your browser bookmarks - and start practicing different ways returning periodically to brush up on theory.

Do not leave this business - and after a while you will recall with a slight grin of the period when an unexpected question could embarrass you.